How Many Times Do Queer Women Have Intercourse?

There’s a popular conception that individuals in non-monogamous relationships are experiencing intercourse more regularly compared to those in monogamous relationships, but our studies have shown that’s not the case. The figures are very nearly precisely even, as you possibly can see above.

One other many striking component of the info is the fact that 35% of you intend to be sex when a time or maybe more, and just 3.69% of you will be sex when every single day or even more. It is feasible that everyone thinks they need intercourse much more often than they really do, however it’s additionally feasible that after we imagine an “ideal world”, we imagine a global where we work 40 hours per week in place of 70, aren’t therefore damn exhausted after placing the young ones to bed, or weren’t suffering anxiety or psychological problems that make intercourse difficult to be ready for.

We now have therefore much information to check right right here, but today’s focus is going to be on sexual regularity within relationships, both monogamous and non-monogamous. Let’s enter into it.

What’s the predictor that is strongest of exactly how much sex you’re having?

It’s not age, it’s perhaps perhaps not want, it is perhaps maybe not just how many lovers you’ve had or once you destroyed your virginity — it’s just how long you’ve held it’s place in the relationship that you’re in. Relationships which had lasted half a year or less report a lot more sex frequency — about 12per cent of relationships enduring 6 months or less reported sex once each day or maybe more, with 47.81percent reporting sex numerous times per week. The figures decrease slightly, yet not notably, towards the 12 months mark, from which point the more significant downturn starts. 3% of relationships 1-3 years long report day-to-day intercourse, 39% have sexual intercourse numerous times per week. If we arrive at the year that is 5-10, we’ve got 1% having day-to-day intercourse and 14% carrying it out numerous times per week.

Usually that is regarded as proof of waning desire but we don’t think that is always reasonable — often it is difficult to find the full time, duration, plus it’s just better to focus on constant intercourse over anything else that you know once you’ve just started seeing someone.

Here’s what’s amazing, though: besides the regularity of intercourse you’re actually having heading down as your relationship advances, how frequently you state you wish to have sexual intercourse falls, too. Therefore, even though the gulf between wanting and having stays wide, it is clear that for a lot of relationships, what you need couple of years in is not the thing that is same desired 2 yrs ago. Or even whenever you’re carrying it out every time you can’t imagine ever maybe not attempting to get it done every single day, you understand?

We additionally asked you straight “How often are you experiencing intercourse when compared to year that is first of relationship?” Of the who’d held it’s place in a 12 months or maybe more, only 7% said they’re having more intercourse now than at the start. 38% report less intercourse, 29% report a lot less sex, and 21% said “about exactly the same.”

Living together appears to have some correlation, too, but that’s most likely connected pretty tightly to period of relationship, since individuals generally move around in after they’ve been dating for a time. Within monogamous relationships, 68% of these that are making love over and over again every single day, 63% of these making love daily, and 54% of these making love multiple times per week don’t live together. The longer you’ve been residing together, a lot more likely you may be to own sex numerous times a month, once per month or numerous times per year. When you’re preparation all your sleepovers at each and every other’s places, there may be an expectation of sex that simply doesn’t occur once you sleep together each night.

The length of that gap between what you need and just exactly exactly what you’re getting?

A week about half of the women in relationships who’d have sex once a day or more in their ideal lives are actually having it multiple times. 31% whom desired intercourse times that are multiple week had been having it very often, 1% had been having it more regularly than numerous times per week, and 50% had been having it either once weekly or numerous times 30 days. This really isn’t bad, actually: intercourse every single day or numerous times every single day is not practical for most people, while the undeniable fact that a lot of people have one degree down from just just exactly what they’d have actually in a perfect world probably leads to similar satisfaction.

On the bright side, 72% of females making love not as much as one per year and 57% of females never ever making love wished to be having it numerous times per week or higher.

Of these whom hadn’t had sex at all in the just last year, 18% didn’t wish to have intercourse. I assumed that individuals people would recognize as grey-A, demisexual or asexual, but that is not the situation — only 10% of these in a relationship that is sexless as asexual, 5.26% as gray-ace and 7% as demisexual (but we permitted individuals select more than only one intimate orientation, generally there may be some overlap). It’s likely that coping with upheaval, coping with health conditions or medicines and aging would be the contributing factors that are biggest to those maybe perhaps not wanting sex.

Nevertheless – 36% of these in relationships whom not have sex have not had sex with anyone, ever. Therefore, whenever we have a look at individuals perhaps not making love, we may frequently be taking a look at folks who are waiting, perhaps maybe not those who aren’t getting whatever they want that they had.

How exactly does that relate with your general pleasure in your relationship?

For beginners, nearly all of you may be pleased in your relationships, which will be great! 86% of you are generally happy or ecstatic in your current relationship and just 3% of you reported being unhappy, miserable or willing to split up. 1% chosen “unhappy, but i am aware it is temporary.” And so I think it is pretty clear that intimate regularity does not make-or-break a relationship that is lesbian though it undoubtedly has an effect.

We’d you select between Ecstatic, Happy, Kinda Happy, Neutral, Unhappy, Miserable, Unhappy But I Know It’s short-term and would really like To split up, and also at no point ended up being here a shift that is major the greater amount of negative words.

It is true that the more frequently you have got intercourse, the much more likely you will be to report ecstasy and delight in your relationship, in line with Happify‘s report that “the happiest partners have sexual intercourse 2-3 times a week”

It is as we go into relationships where intercourse is had one per year or less that there’s any major change away from delight. Nevertheless, 58% report being delighted or ecstatic, with another 27% reporting that they’re kinda pleased. There’s then the uptick that is slight delight amongst those that not have sex. But again — it’s essential to keep in mind that the variety of unhappy folks are therefore tiny generally speaking. It’s hard to draw any major conclusions from a couple of unhappy individuals.

We also asked if perhaps you were content with your sex-life and, predictably, more intercourse = more satisfaction. 91% of the making love numerous times per week or more sensed extremely or somewhat pleased with their intercourse life. The smallest amount of pleased had been those sex as soon as a 12 months (55%) and people making love lower than annually (58%).

Do people who have sex more frequently do more things that are non-traditional sleep?

Yes. Yes they are doing. The greater frequently a few has intercourse, the much more likely they’ve been to be kinky also to engage frequently in anal play and penetration, muffing, fisting, strap-on intercourse, role-play, BDSM and kink. Things such as dry-humping, clitoral stimulation and oral sex were regularly popular amongst all quantities of intercourse regularity above “once per year.” Individuals who reported attempting brand new things in sleep more frequently additionally had sex more regularly. This just about makes sense — when you’re carrying it out more frequently, you may desire more variety in exactly just exactly what you’re doing to help keep it fresh. You’re more likely to stick with what you know, and the infrequency of sex in general means it’s pretty special when you have it, regardless of how adventurous the encounter when you only have sex once a month.

We additionally discovered that individuals who have intercourse more frequently are more inclined to be and only having duration intercourse — between 50 and 60 % of these making love numerous times per week or maybe more are notably or enthusiastically and only it.

Do hitched people have actually less sex?

It appears we’re similar to the straights in this respect. 25% of married or civil unioned people reported intercourse once a week or maybe more, in opposition to 55% of couples whom reside together, 50% of involved partners, 62% of partners “planning to obtain involved” and 68% of those “dating seriously.” Regardless, 89% of monogamous couples that are married either pleased or ecstatic about their relationship and just 3% of married non-monogamous people and monogamous married individuals report being unhappy inside their relationships or planning to split up.

So marriage might suggest less intercourse, however it doesn’t suggest less joy. Priorities change, children have born, you understand the drill. We didn’t ask survey-takers if they’d had young ones, because we’re idiots, but lots of you talked about childbirth and increasing young ones being a switching point towards less intimate regularity.

In Closing

Nearly all of you may be very happy in your relationships regardless how much sex you’re having, which can be great. Making love each and every day or numerous times just about every day makes individuals feel ecstatic that is pretty thrilled become alive, but usually does not last after dark very very first couple of years regarding the relationship. We do have less sex than the straights, yet not that notably less, and our intimate encounters most likely last a bit longer, too. Lesbian sleep death is genuine — but so is sleep death for heterosexual couples! It will appear to be after we have underneath the “multiple times a month,” threshold, though, the connection might be suffering, but of course that is not the case for each relationship.

Here’s several other things we’ve written on the subject of intimate regularity which may interest you — and make certain to check the comments out which are additionally full of helpful advice!